Archive for June, 2010

my memories.

Posted in singing my lamentations. on 06/23/2010 by statuewithouteyes

most of them bring in happiness, but there are times that these bring in pain, if only i could let these go – im really trying but nothing seems to be working.


the game is not getting any easier.

Posted in singing my lamentations. on 06/22/2010 by statuewithouteyes

the game is not getting any easier – i miss him yet there’s nothing much i can do, he is so near but it’s as if we’re separated by such a thick wall – idontknow what to think of anymore. is it my fault that i have things to deal with during the day that i can’t have much time for him anymore. where’s the heart that brings me so much love, where are the eyes that leave me with awe all the time as it meets with my gaze, the warmth that i always wanted – that assured me that i would always be safe and that someone would always be there for me, he’s not the same anymore – or is it me? i miss the moments we used to share wherein we’d spend hours and hours together as if tomorrow never existed, wherein time would always fly as we share crazy jokes and laugh out hearts out, i really miss him. but what is happening to us, i admit as the connection gets stronger what we have gets deeper and deeper everyday but in parallel with that the intensity of our core gets more intense as well, and it’s not easy.

i possess every reason he knows to hate someone, and i don’t fear the hatred he may give me one day and i don’t know why, am i that courageous or am i just simply stupid. i am someone who only disturbed him, who hounded him, who badgered him, who challenged him to beat and get pass his limits who wanted to be his equal – a girl who interfered with him trying my best to get inside his guard , a girl whose spirit is like his.

i wished we knew better.

Posted in what i wish he knew <3 on 06/19/2010 by statuewithouteyes

so much for friendship – ive been thinking about him for the past few days. my sanity has been playing tricks on me again, and i really can’t do much to stop it. having his words wrapped around my finger, why am i feeling this way? am i bound to something i am not ready like a commitment that shouldnt have come as early as now? what’s the real score anyway? or is it what we have seems to be more of an eternity type wherein no words are required to describe – im really confused and it feels like im losing track of everything.

when i am idle i look at the ring, with the words engraved underneath it ‘ memong her otherhalf‘ then i ponder on, this is what i always wanted – i am this close to his heart, and that only entails that i really have to be twice as careful i cant hurt him. for i know it will kill him if i did. but why does it feel this way, like a bomb that’s just simply waiting for the right time to come and the next thing i know everything we’ve worked for is over. correct, we still have a lot to fix – i have to learn how to juggle both school and work : it’s my third year in college took back subjects twice and i can’t afford to take things the third time around, it’ll be too much, i know im busy but aside from the fact that i am juggling these ironic worlds i still need to pay attention to him, but of course i just can’t leave him all hanging around like that yeah i know he’s stubborn and all but i still need to be there for him in a way i know best and of course in a way he would still feel my presence, it really stings when he goes telling me that he feels alone. though he understands the things that have to be set aside, but either way he is only human he has that feeling of needing others and that alone i understand.

as for him, aside from the fact that he has been working on this whole job thing for the past months, but i guess the fear is still there in him and i guess he hasn’t got over on that part just yet. im really wondering on how i could help him on that – we practice and all but then when the real thing strikes in i think he kinda gets cold feet. but anyways there is still one thing he has to work on – and that’s school it’s really been a while: 2 semesters i guess that he hasnt come back after the fall back he experienced when he was in the previous university. but anyways, that’s a different problem and i know we really have to fix that i mean like he has to go back – and literally go back to the scholastic world.

honestly that’s all im waiting for, i know he is determined but he’s still not that strong for some reasons he is still holding back, but why? rebellion? when will the pain stop. at times i imagine what the future for the both of us will be like as we keep up with everyday living the promise we made. as long the pillars have been placed we will be fine, emotionally speaking i am certain we matter to each other but we still can’t give it all – but that’s okay. time will tell. if it was meant to be then it will happen. as his guardian id keep close guard, making sure he slowly get back on track – guess that’s how much ilovehiim .

what we have become.

Posted in what i wish he knew <3 on 06/17/2010 by statuewithouteyes

She thirsts, he bleeds,
She’d heal you but then he chooses to inflict more wounds.
The scars are getting deep.
Wake up sweet love
I have come for refuge.
Wrapped around my arms,
Let our worlds shut down for a while.

He is not to blame,
If he thinks twice –
The past has been cruel
Forgotten that he was once part of the cycle.
Crushed and broken how will he trust?
In a sea of people of coincidence and blood –
wherein what seeps through is only the taste of disgust.

She may seem so strong
They may be nonchalant but they’d gaze in awe
to the way she’d cloak up misery
Her smiles are deceiving – the mascara is on
envies the free,
These gaps are countless,
If only she could be real.

Time will go over board,
Her tears will dry up soon
His fear is slowly subsiding –
Throbbing pain eased up by the thought of ‘us’
There’s too much at stake to take it for granted
This is what we’re fighting for – words we should verbalize
A little more and it’ll be about what we need this time.


Posted in what they don't hear. on 06/15/2010 by statuewithouteyes

2.50 am

The game of hearts starts now – rules? Let’s see play fair? Well basically that’s the most basic rule in any bond between two souls as long as each piece plays its part as good as he can then things will go well. After a little argument we finally made – up the words have been wrapped around our fingers and this time we pray it will work. The word eternity and forever still echoes inside my ear and I admit at times it seems to good to be true. This was something that I only thought about in the past like being able to share your life with someone – I know and I admit at times im really not that good with the whole sharing my life thing I guess it’s because of the sense of being independent that I have managed to rear ever since my dad left but never the less I am learning bit by bit.
Honestly as I type things down – thoughts rush through me some indescribable feeling sinks in: a mixture of happiness and fear. I don’t know is the feeling really suppose to be like this?

It’s all about keeping up?

Posted in what i wish he knew <3 on 06/14/2010 by statuewithouteyes

2.19 am

Is keeping up with forever that long? Does it sound that difficult? When the thought of relationships and finding your otherhalf settles in how much are you willing to sacrifice and how long are you willing to keep up with the promise? Promise made by healing hearts that have been wounded in different ways in the past but despite the fact they are once again driven up by intense emotions – inside them both are thirsty for love: that is nothing like the others, both start to believe that as long as the other one exists everything will work as planned and sooner or later as the ride carries the best in each one of them is unleashed. But time will come that somewhere along the ride the waves start to alter the serenity and things will start to shake, I wonder will they be strong enough to keep the balance?
These were things that I only thought that would happen in the movies or probably in cheesy soap operas I never thought such events can occur in the real life silly as it seems it’s not easy as it looks. Talk about the game of hearts – let’s put it this way in the long run I’ve seen how they played the game and at times I have managed to play the game myself – but I don’t really reach the higher levels most of the time I only settle for the primary ones or in simpler terms ‘special friends’ well I guess that’s really something not much to brag about huh? But mostly I prefer to play as the umpire wherein I would serve as tracker for both players – being one is not really a difficult role I mean like the rules are being followed and understood objectively so whatever happens it’s really not much of my lose for my role was to make both parties realize their mistakes and give credits to the good points but at the end of the day it’s still their call.
Few months ago I was a mere umpire but when I crashed into a strange soul the next thing I knew I was one of the players. We were the last people to decide. There were umpires around us and I have slowly realized how important they were in the game I mean like it’s not all the time one would get to realize the good points especially when things don’t go as planned. Typically I was never the type of person who would actually share my life with a different soul specifically referring to someone not related by blood and all I mean like I barely talk to my mom though she’s able to figure things out eventually no matter how hard I try to keep it I guess that’s the magic of being a mom ‘they just know’ but for the others once I have the mask on they see it as if it’s the real thing and so far giving in to the option of opening up was always my call. But when I bumped into him it was different – he was always particular about these kinds of things, like promises as much as possible when are given off they should be followed. Honestly there are times when I am still not used to such no wonder why we argue at times I guess it’s the side of me being so independent that I just tend to strike when I want to. I know we’re not really married and all to be so committed to the story but it’s the first time I’ve encountered someone like him – likewise the idea follows that some people wish to be single for they can’t handle the complications.
As for me , I believe I can handle it – like emotionally if it’s feelings they are talking about I know he has captured my heart and little by little the deathless urge has kept me going to want him even more. I admit he isn’t perfect, in fact there are times that his imperfections caused us to argue big time and sometimes our point of views don’t meet but if I think of it those things really do happen for it’s where we learn to grow. At first I thought I was the only one who has developed this deathless urge but to my surprise he had the same thing as well – fallen for this spell which I really didn’t intend to create at the beginning it just happened, he said a piece of me is with him and we are alike in some ways. Hearing such brings chills to my bone, and it really felt good. Love is not the only reason why I keep up with him I want to see the best from him, I want to witness the change for I know he has that hidden within but it’s his insecurities that hinder him to push through – and I don’t really want that to go through the long run. Time is ticking fast.

she bleeds.

Posted in Uncategorized, what they don't hear. on 06/13/2010 by statuewithouteyes

whats with the attitude problem.?. hes making it damn hard for the both of us. i have explained myself well enough. the nerve. and this is what i get for being so good? i wish hed learn to think of how i see things.. yeah i know he loves me the same way i love him but how far will that take us? if we cant even seem to understand one another with very simple damn book crushes us how much more when something more major comes along? see!? personally im willing to take the risk and i’ll really try my best to make things right. i know it’s wrong but sometimes i doubt what if im just all waiting for a dream that nothing will really happen keeping my hopes high again like i always do. so much for saving hearts, whats the difference thats what im good at saving, taking in every type of pain i know, but then again thats life.

the guardian will always end up bleeding.