Stranger in disguise

i was suppose to post this yesterday – but the site was down.

It’s morning, and practically in a day’s time it’ll be Sunday by then, I know im excited but why am i getting all nervous and stuff. I wonder what’s on his mind, is he thinking as much as I am? Few days ago some mysterious guy who popped out of nowhere sent me a text message and he goes by the name ‘kyle nashiro’- well he says he just got my number from a business card, yeah right as if. im starting to think what it was him all along and he was just pretending to be someone else, I know he has questions in mind which I think he may have a difficult time trying to ask me up front so that’s why he decided to go in this whole stranger thing.
I don’t know, what if im just making a big issue out of this, as I write this down a lot of things are running inside my head, what am I really here for? I wish I could scream it out loud, is it fear that’s stopping me from giving what he really deserves – I know he has lapses but im willing to give him a chance I understand that the past has indeed affected him much I know he was badly hurt probably that was the reason why he had a major difficult time in loving again, but at the same time I wish he’d tell me what’s on his mind, is he scared as well? Is he holding back the very same thing im doing?

Im really not able to handle this any more,
Can I be honest for a while? Here goes..

Memong, my feelings were never an issue – you know if we lived in a perfect world and no one would ever get hurt id love you the way you deserve to be loved. But im scared because ever since day one it always felt like we were walking on thin ice, wherein in a minute or so I might lose you and I know it’ll really really really REALLY take a while for me to get used to that. Falling for you was never part of my plan – for all I ever wanted to do was to save you. I saw the hardship, I felt what it was like to feel so alone to be despised by many and to be taken for granted listening to your stories on how they left you and wounded you badly – touched me dearly and I wanted to help you recover, be a friend whom you can tell things too and as much as possible I don’t want you to feel that way anymore. I know for a fact it feels good to have someone listen, to have someone around who understands it was like I was the guardian and you were the heart but I kept in mind that I shouldn’t fall for you because the moment I do – I might lose you. But I guess things wont always go to plan, in the beginning I thought I was doing all the teaching and saving but as the days go by little by little I realized you were helping me out as well. You made me happy in a way you did best, you showed me that I was important, you showed me your heart – having you around made me forget about sad poems instead I started to write about happy things, my diary that was filled with tears and sadness were slowly transformed to smiles and laughter – every minute with you and the things we do together really meant a lot to me. Then slowly I realized there I was falling for the spell and there I showed you my heart,

Now we’ve reached the maximum point – wherein we already have the same things in mind and we wish to be together, we finally decided to define what we have but I think your doubts are stopping you subconsciously. In a way you must be scared probably you might hurt me in the long run but just so you know getting hurt is always part of the process and I guess that’s what makes the relationship worthwhile and im sure we will learn a lot of things along the way to be able to avoid such incidents. But as much as possible I want this to work, I want you to fulfill your dreams I want you to be better and I want to be that someone who’d witness all those good changes I want to be there for you, for better or worse right? A lot of people may ask if it’s worth it – if you’re worth it? As for me – I know you are, there’s more to you than meets the eye, the best is yet to come and I know it’s close we just have to move a little more faster.

Please be strong for me, im really trying my best to be.


One Response to “Stranger in disguise”

  1. there’s still much to know..

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