Archive for the Uncategorized Category

she bleeds.

Posted in Uncategorized, what they don't hear. on 06/13/2010 by statuewithouteyes

whats with the attitude problem.?. hes making it damn hard for the both of us. i have explained myself well enough. the nerve. and this is what i get for being so good? i wish hed learn to think of how i see things.. yeah i know he loves me the same way i love him but how far will that take us? if we cant even seem to understand one another with very simple things..one damn book crushes us how much more when something more major comes along? see!? personally im willing to take the risk and i’ll really try my best to make things right. i know it’s wrong but sometimes i doubt what if im just all waiting for a dream that nothing will really happen keeping my hopes high again like i always do. so much for saving hearts, whats the difference thats what im good at saving, taking in every type of pain i know, but then again thats life.

the guardian will always end up bleeding.

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the otherside.

Posted in Uncategorized on 06/11/2010 by statuewithouteyes

How quickly happy colors die – and they don’t know how much I wish night after night if only time can allow it wouldn’t be this way. I am dreaming of forever but what if the otherside does not possess the very same determination as I have, where are we to go?
Attitude that’s what we need to be able to get through everyday but what we only have are ‘attitude problems’ now I only hope this wont get any worst.

I have a feeling that im slowly going down to my limits as if I don’t have much to spend anymore and tolerance from the inflictions made by the outside are slowly cutting right through me. Im really frustrated about this but in the same manner I am also scared – please let me be able to endure more this doesn’t seem to be the right time for me to wear off. A part of me is saying that I should keep going probably that could’ve been my heart being so frail to emotions im sure this is the part of me that’s saying I should stay and endure a little more because it will be for his own good. Now another part of me is trying to slap reality to my very face making me see the evidences that we’re not meant to be and the more we pursue on this the more tendencies for both of us to get hurt – I guess being very objective I am assuming that part would be my mind. Both parts are battling now and it leads me to one question: which part will prevail?

Being torn between two options it would only mean that sooner or later I would have to choose – but which one? Neither of the options seem to give a better offer how would I break the tie? Go for the option that will hurt me less or go for the option that will hurt him less? Is it always about seeking happiness for myself or is it about withstanding things for the happiness of others?

a littel something like ‘forever’.

Posted in Uncategorized on 06/08/2010 by statuewithouteyes

As I write these down oh! I mean type these down – joy fills this heart. Last Sunday after the fact that I was really losing my temper with the ring on his finger and for some reasons I know I wasnt suppose to feel that way but what can I do? Guess im just some teenager who well fell into the spell of love at the wrong time? Now did I get that right? Any ways what im talking about it is falling for my artist wasn’t really part of the plan I mean like all I ever wanted to do was to save him from the abyss I swear I really tried my best not to fall for the spell but I guess he’s way too strong – I kinda underestimated his capabilities in luring hearts. But never the less, Sunday night he was still bugging me about the ring and I mean non-stop till the mass ended till we stayed out a while and grab a drink till we finally got home, the nerve he is surely not giving up on this. As we were walking, yup I admit he is surely winning this I was starting to slip things right from my very tongue if I wasn’t wise enough id think he did that whole ‘ring’ issue thing on purpose to make me admit that as much as possible I want it to be ‘us’ I know it may sound selfish but theres just something about him that would always want me to keep him as long as forever.
He was right when he told me that we should just take things slow from the beginning I mean like it’s truly a working progress – the fact he has started to bring up the topic about proposal thing deal he has been working on for the past year or im not really sure when he started to work on such- but the fact it still astonishes me about the idea and when he said that he’d wear the ring forever (because he also started to bring up the topic of us having our own rings with our names engraved on it)I know he meant that. Knowing him I know for a fact he takes things seriously especially when it comes to his heart he’s been wounded really badly in the past and I guess that’s the reason he’s a lot more careful this time and in the same manner I’ll make sure I will take care of his heart.
The guardian has fallen for the heart, I told him before that I came to him in the first place since I wanted to bring out the best in him but after all the things we’ve been through the best includes us. He says the deal is like a lifetime, the idea of such scares me at times because what if we wont be strong enough to withstand the obstacles what we get carried away by strong emotions when things don’t go well and we end up making the wrong decision? I fear that day to come and I know he fears that day too and he doesn’t want that to happen. Indeed he has showed a number of ways that I was important to him that he finally found that one being he always needed – after years of going along with life he found happiness, he has found someone whod make him want to change things, someone whod make him beat his limits and push them to the very edge till they finally become his strengths, I want to be that someone.
In the same manner he has also made a number of things that caused me to develop the urge to stay – he shows how important I am in a way so unique and I thought it would only exist in the movies. When he showed me my letters and how he posted them on his wall really left me speechless and I mean for a girl it was the sweetest thing a guy could ever do. Having him around has caused me to write happy poems and reveal my heart and how it’s truly like and to be honest it felt really good. I would always want to listen to the things that make him uneasy and after listening to that id find a way and ease him up – that was always the main thing.
He’s like an accidental happily ever after – we didn’t scout and search for each other we just happened to travel on the same road, had some things in common had gaps which we felt could be patched up by the other. The idea of us doing the journey is also exciting – im looking forward to every single day having him next to me.
I want us to last – the promise we’ll keep, not even death can break it. You have my heart.

idontknow.

Posted in Uncategorized on 06/04/2010 by statuewithouteyes

it’s starting all over again. and i dont know what to do. i have set my principles and i have never been the type who goes against my principles, but i am left with more options? no. my pride is at stake and it’s something i have to be firm about – yet i am only human and i may fall for it soon enough. have i underestimated his capabilities? or was i just to confident that hetred would be enough to make me forget things.

ive been really thinking and i have a stong feeling it wouldnt be easy. i admit i have fallen for the other and i cant imagine what life would be like if i didnt have him right next to me, i thought there was no chance for us  that’s why little by little i was letting you go – there so much anger in me because you allowed me to drown in regret and guilt because i had to set you aside over him but can you blame me? i wish you had his strength garfield(that was the name i always called you, and i loved every minute of it) wish you couldve told me those words he said that you cared, that you needed me that it wasnt easy without me by your side. i trust you and all but then words are still important. theres nothing much i can do but to keep on wishing.

after a month you have returned, just when i was this close of forgetting you – youve brought back a certain song in me, a melody i chose to forget. love and hatred are battling their way inside and idontknow whos going to win.. im calling out, someone save me.

a new soul to save? or is this new soul going to save me this time?

Posted in Uncategorized on 06/04/2010 by statuewithouteyes

i think i have posted too much today.. guess too many emotions filled me in today. but anyway this is my last post for the day.

i have this new friend – well ive seen him before when i first got here and to be honest my first impressions were totally surprising and i have a strong feeling he noticed me the very same way i noticed him i guess it has something to do with the sort of Gothic look i had and he had that whole skater dude appearance. well anyways we never really had a shall we say ‘real conversation’ but nevertheless it always felt good seeing him and all. so after the whole training thing i didnt get to see him that much anymore i thought he resigned or probably he was assigned in a different area – though we’re under the same account offices here are kinda subdivided like area1 and area2 so on and forth.

till the whole twist things happen in the office. one day i was surprise our teams were simply sitting across each other. swear it wasnt easy. then sooner or later the whole transfer thing happened and i didnt get to see him again. our teams were assigned at the poles of the office like the north and south idea. one day in school i was surprise to catch a glimpse of him, at first i thought i was dreaming i was like ‘it’s impossible how could he be here’ but then i bumped into him the second time around and BANG! it hit me.. it was him and we were on the same university – honestly i can’t really explain how i felt during that time. it’s as if i felt a sort of relief? satisfaction? but then bottomline we never got into a real conversation and the idea with the ring around his finger – guess some one has his heart 😦

so summer comes along – i hate my subjects because i had to go about it the second time around. well anyways that’s done back to the real issue  – then i kinda noticed that about a week i get to see him pass by and surprisingly he says hi but he think he doesn’t seem to  know my name yet which makes the situation twice as awkward. but either way i still give out a hi. he notices the book i hold and checks it out – he seems to be interested.

what’s nice is.. i had no choice during that time, i really had to pass my programming project so i had to ask him by email since it’ll be less embarrassing so i did and fortunately he agreed but just to let you know he did agree that he would help. He’s an IT student in the university and he was able to finish the 12 problems within the shift (jaw drops) this gut is amazing totally. after the project i couldn’t just give a thank you so i decided to buy something like a token of some sort. when i gave it  to him at first he really didn’t since he said he wasn’t use of receiving gifts but as for me i really don’t like giving out thank you’s alone.

my project was over and i passed the subject thank heavens – i thought it’d be the end of our conversation and talks but just days ago he sent me an email and seems like he wanted someone to talk to. it felt really good that he imparted me a part of his life – like the arguments he has with his sister, how he wants to make his mom proud of his achievements, his dreams, fears, interests things like that.

it’s just the beginning, but so far so good. i hope it gets better.. so whos doing the saving this time? me or him?

the past is haunting me again

Posted in Uncategorized on 06/04/2010 by statuewithouteyes

just when i thought ive forgotten about him..ive deleted the messages the assign ring-tone everything.  and have decided to focus on someone else, someone whod acknowledge the things i do, and appreciate that im around, because i know thats what i need. im aware it may sound selfish but a hero needs pampering too, i guess im not strong enough to do all the saving 24/7. it’s been like what 3 weeks? i guess since i last heard from him , then around 7.12 am i check my phone surprised that someone has sent me a message – all the while i was thinking it was my mom but i was wrong.. it was him and it made time stop for awhile i wasnt really sure on what to do.. or how to react.. will i return the message?

just when im letting go.. he does all this.. im confused.. i need help.  😦

my heart hurts :(

Posted in Uncategorized on 06/03/2010 by statuewithouteyes

my heart hurts and im not really sure how to take it in..

well im not really referring to myself.. im referring to my otherside.. eversince i met him the deathless urge inside me has become alive.. i saw in his eyes the need and the love he is thirty of.. since april 27,2009 we have been connected in a way only the both of us understands. he listens to my lamentations and treats it as his own the very same i listen to his own lamentations. what we have is momentous that’s what he would always say.. i guess that’s why whatever happens il never let him go.

i feel his wounds, and i want to heal them. he warms my heart in a way he does best. he has the most genuine feelings i have ever felt, but sometimes i wish i could give him more  – there are times i tend to hold back im not really sure why.. is it because of the past? that even how much i try my best to forget – the impact is still there.. ihateit.. i feel like im being untrue. 😦

is this love that i have within? probably – in such a short time we have been together and to be honest im still hoping there would be more.. i want it to be ‘us’.. little by little im needing you, looking forward each day because i have you there.. il enjoy every moment we spend together. i want your dreams to come true. i want to see you smile even though at times you think it’ll be difficult – but please try.  even if we’re walking on thin ice il be here for you.. ❤